It’s one of those days where the baby cries when you put her down and you didn’t sleep last night and your other kids all seem to need you at once. You are feeling overwhelmed and anxious, you’re totally stressed out. Then someone tells you to breathe and suddenly you feel much better. Right? Wrong!
Being a mother means even the calmest days involve stress. The stress of planning, decision-making, feeding, cleaning, tantrum-taming, work and more. Unfortunately, some of the best psychological tips for anxiety and stress don’t take into account that you have a teeny tiny baby screaming to be fed or a toddler needing their butt wiped or a kid complaining that you never play with them anymore. So here are four simple tips that have been mum-hacked in order to actually help you in the moment when you’re feeling anxious or stressed.
Tip #1: Take deep breaths
Mum hack #1: Blow bubbles
Deep breathing has been shown to be an effective way of reducing stress and anxiety. It works because it lowers your heart rate, blood pressure and cortisol levels; which are all heightened when you feel anxious and stressed. This isn’t always feasible with kids around so instead you can…blow bubbles!
The act of blowing bubbles requires you to breathe in and do a big breathe out. It also means you are entertaining your child at the same time as calming yourself. Try this but with more deliberate intent. Breathe in through the nose for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, then do a big breathe out and blow the bubbles for 4 counts. Pause for 4 counts and start again until you begin to feel calmer.
Tip #2: Exercise
Mum hack #2: Dance party
When feeling stressed or anxious, our body pumps us with cortisol and adrenalin. These two hormones are very useful when you are required to move fast. They are not so useful when you are just wanting to go about your day. Exercise is a great way to “use up” the cortisol and adrenalin so that the feeling of anxiety can pass. Exercise also releases endorphins which are the “feel good” hormones.
Of course, exercising in the typical way is not always possible when you are looking after children. It may not even be physically possible if you have recently given birth. Playing some upbeat music and dancing, or even bopping along, results in the same hormonal changes provided by exercise (adrenalin and cortisol down, endorphins up). You can also lift and spin your baby or child for the extra weight, as well as the added benefit of bonding with them.
Tip #3: Practice meditation or mindfulness
Mum hack #3: Colouring in or puzzles
Mindfulness is a topic in and of itself but it essentially involves bringing our focus to the present moment. In contrast, anxiety is future-focussed, generating “what if” type thoughts about things that haven't even happened. In this way, mindfulness is a great strategy for reducing anxiety because it helps us to move our focus away from what “could be” and towards what is happening in the here and now.
Although it is lovely to be able to sit and listen to a mindfulness meditation, I am yet to find a kid who will sit quietly long enough for you to get through it. Instead, activities such as colouring in or doing a puzzle are present-focussed and something you can do with your child. When doing one of these try to really focus on the details of the activity. What colour am I using? What sound does the pencil make against the paper? Which puzzle piece fits the one in my hand? What images can I see in the puzzle?
Tip #4: Phone a friend
Mum hack #4: Phone a friend!
It goes without saying that reaching out to a friend or family member when you are having a hard time is incredibly helpful. This is because anxiety and stress can make us feel very alone and make the world seem very small. By reaching out to someone it reminds us that there are people around us and a big world out there.
Though it is not always feasible to offload when you have little ears listening in to the conversation, make the call to talk about something unrelated. Connect to someone in your corner and remind yourself that you are normal and you are not alone.
Anxiety and stress are a normal part of life, particularly the life of a parent. The next time you notice these feelings starting to overwhelm you try blowing bubbles, dancing with your kid, colouring in or doing puzzles and phoning a friend. These four simple strategies are realistic, practical, and effective and can be used in the moment when you actually need them! Try it out and see how much of a difference it can make to both your and your child’s day.
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